The Messy Middle: Why This Part Feels So Hard (and What to Do Instead of Quitting)
There’s a part of every journey no one really talks about.
The part after the excitement fades.
After the fresh start energy wears off.
Before the results show up.
It’s the phase where things feel slower, heavier, messier — and sometimes even worse than when you began.
In this post, we’re diving into the messy middle — why it feels so hard, why it’s actually necessary, and how to decide whether you’re meant to move through it or finally let something go.
Because quitting when something is misaligned is wisdom.
But quitting because it’s uncomfortable?
That’s often where the breakthrough was just beginning.
LET’S DIVE IN. 🖤
Hey friends!
Today we’re talking about a part of the journey that almost no one prepares you for…but everyone experiences.
The messy middle.
That space after you’ve cast the vision.
After you’ve started showing up.
After the excitement wears off…
…but before anything feels like it’s working.
This is the part where doubt gets loud. Motivation dips. And the questions starts creeping in:
“Is this even worth it?”
“Did I make a mistake?”
“Should I just quit?”
If you’ve been there—or you’re there right now— I want you to know that you’re not alone and this is for you.
I want to start with a story.
Years ago, when Charlie and I lived in Dallas, we were building a pool in our backyard. And at one point in the process, I took a picture and posted it to my social media. It wasn’t flashy or pretty. It honestly was a picture most people would never post.
It wasn’t the finished pool.
It wasn’t the pretty water, or the furniture, or the backyard reveal.
It was mud and dirt.
A partially finished privacy fence.
A giant hole in the ground with some concrete poured on top.
Honestly? It looked worse than when we started. And doesn’t life feel like that sometimes?
You finally decide to take the first step… and suddenly everything feels harder.
You start moving your body and eating better — but the scale doesn’t budge and your pants still feel tight.
You declutter one room and now your whole living room is a disaster because nothing has a place yet.
You say yes to the hard conversation and things feel more awkward before they feel honest.
You start the business, the routine, the healing — and instead of relief, you feel exposed, tired, and unsure.
You commit to change and suddenly you’re painfully aware of just how far you still have to go.
It can feel discouraging.
Like maybe you made things worse instead of better.
Like you were more comfortable before you started touching things.
And I remember standing there looking at that pool and thinking… this is such a perfect picture of life.
Because the messy middle often looks worse than the starting line — not because you’re failing, but because things are finally being worked on.
What used to be hidden is now visible.
What was ignored is now being addressed.
What was stagnant is now in motion.
And motion is messy.
And the truth is, this is where most of us are living — in the middle.
No longer at the beginning.
Not quite to the finish line just yet.
Just… here.
At the time, I didn’t fully understand what that season was teaching me.
I just knew it was uncomfortable.
I was learning how to sit in uncertainty.
How to slow down when I wanted to rush ahead.
How to hold space for things that hadn’t come together yet.
And I didn’t post that picture for likes or validation. I kept it as a reminder.
That even when it looks like nothing is happening…work is still being done beneath the surface.
WHY THE MESSY MIDDLE FEELS SO HARD
Here’s why this part is so challenging.
The beginning is exciting. The vision feels fresh. You’re motivated. People are excited for you and cheering you on. YOU are excited for you. It all feels like rainbows and butterflies.
And the end feels rewarding. There’s proof. You did the thing. You got the results. There’s relief that something is over and excitement for what’s next.
But the middle? The middle is quiet. No applause. No instant payoff. Just showing up again… and again… and again. And this is where most women don’t actually quit because they can’t do it. They quit because they think something has gone wrong.
They think:
“If this were meant for me, it wouldn’t feel this hard.”
“If I were doing this right, I’d see results by now.”
“Maybe this isn’t aligned after all.”
But the messy middle isn’t a sign you’re failing. It’s a sign you’re building.
DIPS vs DEAD ENDS (& WHY KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE MATTERS)
There’s a book I read years ago called Don’t Quit In The Dip—and I remember reading it right in the middle of that season with our Dallas house, staring at that half-finished pool, and feeling oddly comforted.
Because the premise is simple but powerful:
Every meaningful pursuit has a dip.
A season where things feel harder than expected. Slower than expected. Messier than expected.
And often, you guys, the dip shows up right before things start to click.
That was encouraging for me because it gave language to what I was experiencing. And I hope it’s doing the same for you right now.
It’s a reminder that just because something feels hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong or that you suck.
And in that season I really needed to hear that. But here’s what I wish someone had told me in my journey— because this is where nuance matters.
Not every hard season is a dip you’re meant to push through.
Some seasons are dead ends.
Some things are meant to be laid down.
Some paths require a pivot, not more pressure.
And maturity—real self-trust—is knowing the difference.
So let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about the subtle difference between a DIP and a DEAD END bc right now maybe your journey or your goals or that thing that’s laid on your heart feels really far away and really hard. And that might just be a dip. But I’ve also had seasons where I clawed my way thru the messy middle of a dip only to realize I was fighting a dead end. A season, a goal, a way of being that was no longer in alignment with where I was being called to go. So let’s look at the difference:
A dead end isn’t uncomfortable growth.
It’s misalignment.
It’s forcing.
It’s shrinking.
It’s losing yourself to keep something alive.
And I want to say this clearly, because some of you need permission:
If you are in a dead-end season —
If something no longer aligns with your values,
If it’s costing you your peace, your health, or your integrity,
If you’ve outgrown it and you know it…
You do NOT need to push through.
You do NOT need to prove anything.
You are allowed to pivot.
You are allowed to lay it down.
You are allowed to choose differently.
Full stop.
If that’s you, honestly? You can pause this episode and go have the brave conversations. Go make the hard-but-right choices. I’m cheering you on.
But…If you’ve looked at it honestly and said:
“This still matters to me.”
“This still aligns.”
“I still feel called to this — even though it’s hard.”
Then this isn’t a dead end.
It’s a dip.
And the question becomes: How do you move through the dip without burning out or quitting?
Because white-knuckling your way through is not the answer.
WHAT TO DO IN THE DIP (INSTEAD OF QUITTING)
Here’s what I’ve learned — both personally and through coaching women for years:
1. Stop expecting the dip to feel good
The dip is not supposed to be fun. It’s not supposed to feel validating. It’s not supposed to give you instant results.
When you stop expecting encouragement from the dip, you stop letting discouragement knock you off course.
This is the part where consistency matters more than confidence. And where it’s also so important you don’t do this journey alone. It’s so much harder to quit in the dip when you’re surrounded and supported by other women who get what you’re going thru.
2. Zoom in — not out
Most women quit in the dip because they zoom out too far.
They start thinking:
“Is this even worth it?”
“Why am I not further along?”
“Maybe I’m behind.”
Instead, the move is to zoom IN.
What is the next right step?
What is the smallest choice that keeps me in integrity today?
Not the whole staircase. Just the next right step.
3. Anchor to Identity, Not Outcome
This is where everything changes — and it’s something we’ve already talked about as we kicked off this year, because it matters that much.
When you’re in the dip, the temptation is to constantly monitor your results and your progress. Constantly measuring yourself for a metric of success. But this type of outcome-based thinking will burn you out fast.
Instead, I want you to shift the question. Think: “Who are you becoming by staying?”
Are you becoming more disciplined?
More resilient?
More grounded?
More self-trusting?
Because even when the results lag, identity is forming.
Every time you show up in the dip, you’re casting a vote for the kind of woman you’re becoming — the woman who doesn’t quit just because it’s uncomfortable or slow.
And here’s the truth. Motivation fades. Results will fluctuate. But identity sticks.
4. let it be slower than you wanted
This one’s hard. But growth that lasts is usually slower than our ego wants.
The women who make it through the dip aren’t the most motivated.
They’re the ones who stop rushing themselves. Who take quit off the table.
They stay.
They adjust.
They keep showing up — imperfectly, consistently, honestly.
So if you’re in the messy middle right now — If things feel harder than you expected, If you’re tempted to quit simply because it’s uncomfortable. If your goals feel really far away or like they are taking too long to come to fruition.
Pause before you walk away.
Ask yourself:
Is this a dead end…or is this the dip?
And if it’s the dip — Don’t panic. Don’t burn it all down. Please please please don’t quit.
Learn how to rest. To slow down. To offer grace. Adjust and remain. And take the next small, aligned step forward.
Because most breakthroughs don’t happen at the beginning.
They happen for the women who learn how to stay in the messy middle.
I believe in you. I’m rooting for you. And I’ll see you next Monday on The Self Care Sisterhood Podcast. 🖤
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